Okay, so here’s a quick update on my life. I am 3 weeks away from being halfway done with grad school (can I get a Woot Woot!?!?). And as any grad student living in a quasi-college town needs to do, I recently joined the tinder, bumble, and jswipe communities. [Stop judging me.] AND I will have you know that despite my frequent – but not desperate – efforts of swiping right, I have had ZERO matches on all 3 of these apps. As a result, I considered making a dating app designed specifically for my needs as a graduate accounting student majoring in financial transaction services. Naturally this made me think about what kind of pickup lines I would used in such a setting….and this train of thought provided me with hours worth of entertainment as I came up with cheesy pickup lines for accounting and finance grad students. And here they are –

“Girl, are you costing inventory right now? Cause you are the LIFO da Party!”.

“Dat Asset thou”.

“Girl you must be an accountant, cause when it comes to figures, you’z great!”.

“Hey girl, are you having an IPO? Cause I’d love to have stock in you!”.

“Girl if you were a bond, I’d hold you to maturity”.

“My love for you is like a balance sheet account: permanent”.

“Debits to left, credits to the right. When I first looked at you, t’was love at first sight”.

“Hello, the names Bond…Municipal Bond”.

“You got a nice pair of W-2’s”.

“You can’t go out with me on April 15th? That’s okay, we can push it back to Sept 15th.”.

“Girl my life just don’t balance without you”.

“Damn girl, I’d love to discount your cash flows to present value”.

“Girl are you a corporate bond? Cause I’m accruing interest in you!”.

“Hey girl, how about I take you for a drink so we can put the ‘Pub” in “Public Accounting?”.

“Yo girl, you must be an accounting major…cause you got a lot of class”.

“Hey girl, how about we perform a tax-free merger tonight?”

“Girl if you held my equity, you’d be my preferred shareholder”.

“Boo, you don’t need no Bridge Loan to close the GAAP between us”.

“I promise not to be Moody when I rate you”.

“I’d like to own some equity on those assets.”

“Bae, I’m the option that will put you in-the-money”.

“Boo I hope you are an available for sale security, cause I’d love to fair value you!”.

“You must be a Note Receivable, because I’ve got you as “Long Term” on my books!”

“Yo girl is you’re name Equity? Cause you’z all assets without dem liabilities.”

“You can balance my sheets”.

“If you were an income item, you’d be an “extraordinary gain”.

“Can I capitalize you? Cause I’m fixed on your assets”.

“You must be managing inventory, because you came into my life Just-in-Time”.

“You remind me of my journal entries…cause you an I just add up”.

“Do you have any stocks? Because you are OUTSTANDING!”.

“Let’s change our relationship from Work-in-Process to Finished Goods inventory”.

“I’ll show you dividends in arrears”. (that one just sounds dirty)

“Babe, my only ‘Going Concern’ is how to know you better.”

“Let’s get fiscal”.

“I bet you’re like most of my 1040 filings: EZ”.

“For you boo, I’d drop the first “n” in my finance just to be your fiancé”.

“Babe, you SUTA my needs”.

“Are a revenue? Because without you I’m a loss”.

“My love for you has an estimated useful life of forever”.


About wutzupham

Jewish, Accountant, Social Media Marketing, Avid Coffee Drinker, and Blogger.

2 responses »

  1. Brock Wright says:

    Dude, I didn’t understand half of these but was still laughing out loud. If you want to build that dating app just give me a holler. ;)

  2. mattathias22 says:

    Reblogged this on The Watchpost and commented:
    A hysterical collection of accountant-themed pickup lines by my good friend J. Upham.

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